


Hold me

by Iresolatio



Category: Animal Kingdom (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 15:20:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20176456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iresolatio/pseuds/Iresolatio
Summary: Deran feels like shit and he wants to be close to Adrian. He doesn’t know how to ask for it though, and he's too sore to use sex to hold him, but it's the only way to get Adrian without looking desperate, and to pretend it's OK, even if it isn’t.





	Hold me

**Author's Note:**

> @theninjazebra did an [amazing drawing](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/iresolatio/186489629342) for this fic.

Adrian hadn’t fussed over him, and Deran was grateful. He knew how he looked: torn up face still bleeding because it kept breaking open because, ya know, _face_ that moved with the talking and shit, but the rest of the mess was thankfully mostly hidden under his clothes, which included his seatbelt fucked shoulder and neck. Same with the bruises from the strap across his chest, waist strap, and just random cuts and bruises everywhere else, his whole body one giant bleeding aching mess. Adrian was going to be less than happy about that when he saw it tomorrow. He wanted— 

Deran swallowed his beer and it slid down his throat, crisp and cool, distracting him from words out of his mouth that would be more revealing than “sit down”. He felt like shit and he wanted to be close to Adrian. He didn’t know how to ask for it though, and he was probably too sore to use sex to hold him, but it was the only way to get Adrian without looking desperate, to pretend it was OK, even if it wasn’t. He’d even take constipated looking Adrian, who was wigging out about Livengood and what needed to be done.

Deran laid his hand between them and slowly moved it to place it on Adrian’s thigh. Adrian didn’t say anything, Deran felt him tense. Deran took that as consent, and so he moved it to place his palm flat on the bulge between Adrian’s legs. He pressed and left it there for a few moments. Deran’s breath sped up, afraid Adrian would reject him, reject who he was. A Cody. He needed this, needed Adrian to be okay with this. He got off the couch and onto his knees and faced Adrian, placing the beer bottle in his other hand somewhere on the ground.

“Jesus, man. No,” said Adrian. Deran could see the disgust on his face. “You’re bleeding.”

“I’ll be OK, just—” Deran froze. He wasn’t even sure what the rest of the sentence was going to be. _Just tell me you love me in the only way you’ve ever told me you love me. You don’t have to say it out loud but tell me anyway._ While having sex Deran could always tell that Adrian loved him. Deran was shit-hot at sex, but outside of bed, he was always aware that it was unequal: he loved Adrian more than Adrian loved him. He was OK with that, but he needed the sex sometimes tobe OK with that. They’d always had the sex.

“Alright,” said Adrian, with something crossing his face, “but let me do the work okay?”

They went to their bedroom and Adrian turned the light on, but Deran didn’t want that so he flicked it off. Adrian took the hint. They undressed silently, usual laughter absent, but then Deran remembered it had been quiet for a while between them, since Japan really. He hadn’t noticed as it had been so gradual, their daily fuck getting darker more silent every day. Yes, everyday because he was too much of a needy bitch. Deran wanted it daily because then for that time (half an hour now, efficient) Adrian was looking at him and wanting him and wasn’t planning to leave.

Deran had tried not to let “your house” dig too hard a groove in his brain, but it had made him realise just how fragile it all was. He’d thought of it as _their house_. Their fucking forever house, and to realise that Adrian didn’t…? Gutted. So, he didn’t take it for granted that he had Adrian. He had Adrian _for now_, but they were running out of time. At that Deran’s breath came out in a loudish gasp. It wasn’t a sob, not quite. He would do anything for Adrian. He opened his mouth to say the words from the shower but snapped it shut again. He didn’t want to be met with silence, again. He didn’t need the words, not when there was a cock shaped space permanently in Adrian’s ass. His.

Deran lay down on the bed, cock hard and ready, despite how shitty he felt physically and emotionally. He tried to not turn his head just in case he got blood on the pillows, staring straight up at the ceiling. Deran fisted his cock, grimly hoping Adrian’s weight on him wouldn’t hurt so much that he’d lose his erection. It was one of the few pathetic things he had to give to the boy he’d lost his heart to so long ago. Sex and—_safety_. For a moment Deran felt the weight of the shovel in his hands instead of his cock, so deliberately brought his attention back to the room, fixing his eyes on Adrian.

Adrian fished out the bottle of lube and Deran heard it squirt onto his palm. Even in the darkness Deran could see as Adrian bent and reached behind himself, movements economical as he slicked himself up. When done, he used the remaining lube on his hands to give himself a tug or few. Deran waited, ready, breath fast. Adrian got on the bed and came toward him. Deran knew exactly what Adrian’s cock would look like now, even if he couldn’t see it in the dark: precum coating the head, juicy and slick, length smeared with lube, the whole thing flushed and raw. Adrian’s cheeks would be hectic with colour as well.

Deran had a couple of seconds warning – Adrian’s three deep breaths – before Adrian squatted over Deran’s crotch, knees wide, and slut-dropped down onto Deran’s cock, before almost immediately sliding back up, butt first and with a subtle little twist. It was perfect because Adrian didn’t place any of his substantial weight on Deran. Deran closed his eyes. It was just tight enough to work to get him off, but far too brief on each stroke. Unlike any other day, Deran couldn’t take too much teasing, on edge and in pain like he was. It was mainly from the ring of bruises on his lower belly from the seatbelt, which was worse across his hips. Adrian somehow seemed know that, holding himself in his squat, strong as hell to hold, balance and move as he was doing.

Deran could feel the faint edge of his orgasm far on the horizon, knowing that it could go either way in the state that he was in. Adrian wasn’t giving him enough time to dwell though, as he slid down quick, too slick now with the lube smeared up his ass to offer much resistance. Adrian’s aim was unerring, straight and true, no awkwardness. Then again, they’d been fucking for years.

Deran could feel the sweat break out in his armpits, dampening his upper lip and temples. It wasn’t exertion – he wasn’t doing much. It was just starting to hurt properly; and he could feel himself soften a little as a result inside Adrian. He just needed some serious friction before it— He knew thrusting his cock up would ruin Adrian’s rhythm, and would hurt like hell for him too. Adrian’s ass, and the grip now that he was going faster was still working well, even if it was more slick than tight. It was just enough to be nice, but not enough to come, or not enough to come _fast _anyway.

“Please,” said Deran, his voice desperate with all he couldn’t say.

Adrian squeezed his ass as he slid slow and tight down Deran’s cock, which made the pleasure rise and spread slowly through Deran’s entire body. This was it, so much better than before. So close, hot clamp around his cock just like the way he liked it, with his boyfriend over him, huge and strong and sexy, fully in control over Deran’s pleasure. He liked it like this, Adrian topping him in all ways but the obvious. Adrian got faster, ass still a vice around him, and yes, better, low heat turning hot. Adrian continued with his internal massage of Deran’s cock, breath coming faster as his perfect slut drops got sloppier with need. Deran could smell Adrian and smell his sweat as he worked above Deran, ocean and salt. Droplets landed on Deran and he treasured it. Adrian wanted him.

He was concentrating so much on Adrian and how he felt and how he moved over him that his orgasm – purely mechanical – hit without warning. He came inside Adrian. Still nice, but not the greatest. It took a while for Adrian to get there, long enough and painful enough for Deran to worry about his erection.

Adrian got off Deran and sat beside him for a beat or two, before suggesting a shower. Deran paused for a moment before agreeing. He knew Adrian wouldn’t say anything about the state of his body, and it wasn’t as if he could take back the sex now that it was done. Whatever else he had, he still had a body that Adrian wanted, and that had to be enough.

It didn’t matter, even if Adrian despised him or wanted to break up with him, he’d still do anything to keep him safe.


End file.
